Tag Archives: love
Fifty-eight years, he thought. Fifty-eight years of my life have been spent with you by my side.
It still didn’t seem like nearly that much time had passed. He let his eyes close, and inhaled deeply.
He remembered back to the first time he saw her, sitting on the edge of the cliff just off of the hiking path. Her hair was pulled back into a nest of curls, and her red flannel shirt hung loosely around her shoulders as she held a tattered book in her hands. He remembered the smell of moss and the sound the leaves made as they crunched and shredded under his boots. She had looked up at him, turning up the corner of her mouth into a half-smile, and gently patted the cold ground to call him over, as if she had expected him all the while.
As the memory played like a film reel behind his closed eyes, he grasped her hand and held it tight to his chest. He intertwined her cold, bony fingers with his.
He sighed softly, and thought to himself, Fifty-eight years never did seem like enough time.
“Have you ever been cliff jumping?” she asked him.
He said he hadn’t. He said the thought of it made his stomach hurt. She looked at him with curious eyes, wondering if his lack of adventure was going to be a deal breaker.
But then he said “I would try it though, if you wanted me to go with you. You might have to push me off the cliff to get me to jump, but I would do it if you asked.”
She grabbed his face and kissed him on the forehead. Perfect, she thought. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
He reached for her hand and pulled her off the chair. “Lets go – grab your coffee and your Thom Jones book, and we can have a picnic on the beach after we flail through the air at seventy five feet”. He smiled at her, and her heart melted right there on the spot.
She turned around and hurried away, shoving her hands in her pockets to control her fidgeting fingers. Her face was burning red, but she couldn’t – wouldn’t – let him see it.
“It will be OK, it’s better this way” she told herself. She repeated this mantra over and over, trying to convince herself of its truth.
It didn’t feel right. The conversation had taken a turn when he confessed his true feelings for her, but it felt like a put-on. None of it felt real, and she was forced to admit to herself that it was time to end it.
“I don’t know how to make this work anymore”. That was the last thing she was able to speak out loud before she choked on her tears and turned away from him.
It was going to be okay after all, but it would take some time for her to see it that way. What she needed at that point was a hug from her best girlfriend, a tall glass of wine, and some space to figure out who she was again. She would be whole someday. And it would be better than it ever was.